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I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Randomize
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