I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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