how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
