low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure