You're a womanizer and a bitch.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.