Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"