you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
