My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
