so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
