Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
