To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
