My liver just broke up with me...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
