Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
