So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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