I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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