Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
