brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize