everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
