This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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