Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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