turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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