The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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