oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
