Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
