Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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