I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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