Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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