You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
