Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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