Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
