JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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