I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
