is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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