We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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