I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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