those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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