remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
