According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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