Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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