She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You need Xanax blowdarts
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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