Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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