Taylor Swift is so right about you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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