I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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