Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
