and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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