there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
