how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
