She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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