i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
