So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
