lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
