i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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