am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
