I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
