I just threw up on my dentist
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
