I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
