insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
