So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
4 words: hood of his car
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
