Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
