I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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