Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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