Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
