she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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