normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
