Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
