it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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