Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize