I want to walk on stilts...naked
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
