So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
