My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
