so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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