Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am one with the molecules
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
