and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
