You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
