i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
