My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize