Just cropdusted the office
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
