I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize