Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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