I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
