I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
