Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
