you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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