the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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