He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
