I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
